loneliness

i dont know what's happening... but for quite a few weeks, i've realized i'm feeling too lonesome... and day by day this feeling is getting even more intense... i wonder why...

...and sometimes i have this feeling that i need somebody to share all my sorrows, my aggravation and tensions. Sharing happiness seems less problematic... it's not really a big deal... that's what i feel sometimes...

i wanna get rid of all this tension i had to experience lately... life has never been this tough on me... i'm way to dependant on someone else's  deeds.. that's one of the worst realizations i've ever had... it's making me feel so miserable... i'm doin all this efforts for nothing (or for really a great cause) i dont know..  all i know that yes.. it is life .. that we live for others... we do everything for others.. but i dont know if it has to be the way i'm goin through it...

one other worst feeling amongst all is the lack of time spent on me by me.

i hate to think that maybe i'm just drowning that inner me... the day-dreamer... a frequent flyer to fantasy land... i don wanna lose myself... i'm getting farther away from myself... i wonder whats gonna happen... maybe i'd just die... the inner me... the day-dreamer... i hate it.. i don wanna think abt it... i hope things get better..

listening to this sweet serene instrumentals by Adnan Sami Khan in his music album Abstract. its so soothing.. i wish i could just lay down and keep listening to this music.. traveling to my fantasy land... forgetting all the bitterness of this world... the bitterness that is absorbing into me...